As of today, I have officially made 39 laps around the sun. I’m not sure whether I’m teetering on the edge of middle age or my young adulthood is still intact for another year. Perhaps it depends on who you ask.
But lately, I’ve been acutely aware of the way my body is changing. Gray hairs sprout up daily, all wild and wiry. My skin seems to have lost its sheen, a little looser along the edges. Muscles have gone soft. I’m quite certain my belly button will never recover from the five babies who tested the limits of my abdomen.
The thing is: I’m not afraid of growing older. In many ways, I have always felt a little older than I am. Perhaps it’s being a firstborn and the innate sense of responsibility I carried from a young age, or the grief of losing our son that took its toll. Another, bigger number does not scare me.
But the more I realize that this flesh is more than a container for the soul, I have sensed the need to treat my changing body with increased compassion.
This body is not a house; it is a home. It is a place of welcoming, and I want to settle deeper in to my skin.
That is why today, on my 39th birthday, I am making a commitment to be kinder to my body—not to avoid the coming of age, but to embrace it in its fullness.
My hope is that the more I learn to belong to this body and love her well, the more that love will expand for the Creator whose fingers crafted her in the stillness. That I will indeed know what it means to love the Lord my God with all that I am and let myself be held, as I in turn hold out my hands to others.
grace + peace,
Sarah
PS: New here? Hello! Hi. Welcome. I’m glad our paths have crossed. The Shelf is a weekly letter I send out each Monday, exploring the intersection of faith and belonging. If you don’t already subscribe, I’d love for you to join us.
Good Things to Pick Up
If I could create a birthday box to give away, these are the things that would be in it . . .
A Drink
I started drinking kombucha a couple months ago. What began as “this is weird; I don’t know if I like it” has turned into a *mild* obsession. My favorite kombucha to date is Health-Ade’s Pink Lady Apple. It is equal part bubbly and sweet, and if you’re looking for a good “gateway kombucha,” this is the one.
A Snack
While I’m trying to avoid sugar in excess, sometimes the tastebuds require a bit of chocolate (being kind to my body does not equate complete deprivation). My favorite indulgent snack these days is the Get Back to Human Cashew Butter Raspberry + Dark Chocolate bar. And friends…I swear it’s better than Hersheys and worth the $$ on occasion.
A Pen
About a year ago, our friend Nick let me borrow his pen at church, and I have never gone back. (He let me keep that particular pen, but I promptly went home and ordered a pack of Arteza Roller Ball Pens (in black) for myself.)
A Few Books
Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henri J.M. Nouwen (one of the most impactful Christian living narratives I have read)
Art + Faith: A Theology of Making by Makoto Fujimura (a great book on the creative life)
Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr (a hefty but incredible novel)
Community Question
The great about using Substack is that it’s built for us to interact, and I’d love to hear from you. Each week, I pose a question, and I hope you’ll enter in by hitting reply or leaving a comment for the community.
Happy birthday! I like to celebrate quietly. And always with cake. Chocolate to be exact, even more so the one I make. 🥴
Happy birthday!! My favorite way to celebrate my birthday is with copious amounts of ice cream. Copious! 😉