A year ago today, Ben was hit by a bus. Not a metaphorical bus, mind you. A big, yellow bus.
Sometimes I prefer to tell people that he was sideswiped (rather than hit) because it sounds a little less dramatic. It softens the language and affects how it lands (both for me and for the listener). But the reality is that he was, in fact, hit by the side of a bus while cycling, and while he was able to walk out of the hospital without lasting injuries (thank God) and we tend to crack our fair share of “feel like I’ve been hit by a bus” jokes, the tremors of that day still live within us.
It’s strange the ways we carry our wounds, isn’t it? The way cuts big and small, seen and unseen, camp out in our bodies?
My therapist friend Ryan Kuja once told me that “to be human is to know something of trauma,” and I try to remember his words on days like today.1 I try to remember the tenderness of others as I go to Trader Joe’s or meet a friend for lunch or pick up my kids from school only to be cut off by someone I want to assume is a jerk.
Because in one way or another, we are all walking wounded.2 Each of us carries silent tremors of the past, hurts we have buried deep beneath our skin. But our wounds can also be a welcoming, a place for compassion to grow as we create room for all the things between us we do not know.
So today, one year later, I offer up this simple prayer as I go about my day:
God, help me turn more gently toward my own scars,
and in doing so, soften toward the unknown scars of another.3
PS: A few Internet therapist friends who consistently remind me to approach humanity (mine and others) with tenderness include:
I hope echoes of their wisdom continue to work their way into my words and my way of being.
You can listen in on this conversation with Ryan on the Not My Story podcast (episode 36).
The phrase walking wounded is not mine. While I do not know the original source, you will find it peppered throughout various articles, essays, and book titles.
Sometimes I wonder if God still sees me, then posts like this pop on my feed and I know for sure that He still does.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful write up, I must say, you write well. ❤️