As I write, I face our front window. Only the bottom branches of the old oak have turned burnt orange, which makes me wonder why some leaves seem to change faster than others. There they are, part of the same tree, and yet some leaves seem to cling to their green for as long as they can. Some surrender and drop from their branches the moment summer fades, while others hold on with determination well into the bitter days of a January.
And I wonder: If I were a leaf, which one would I be?
This month for book club, we’ve been reading through Drew Jackson’s book of poetry, Touch the Earth. And while the book itself has nothing to do with autumn or any season in particular, I cannot help but notice the themes of transformation—how the death of one thing often brings life to another.
Take these lines from “These Bags,” for instance:
But long is the road,
and the cost of carrying
is far more
than the cost of letting go.
I have to admit: Change is not always my first inclination. Even when the world outside my window is full of letting go, I cling. I hold on until my knuckles ache and my muscles shake. To my people. To my schedule. To my expectations. To my way of seeing and being and being seen.
But grasping requires so much energy, so much gritting of the teeth.
I want to be a leaf that knows when it’s time to let go. I want to welcome change not because it’s easy, but because I know that before I can touch the earth, I must discover what it means to float.1
Because isn’t that faith?
Most days, I tend to think so, because the older/more honest I get about my own fragility, the more I find that following Jesus looks a lot less like becoming an expert and a lot more like letting go. It is learning to dance along with an unseen breeze, uncertain of exactly how I will get where I am going and yet more and more settled in the Hands by which I am held.
Book Club: Everything You Need for Friday
Note: If you’re a paid subscriber to Human Together, you automatically get access to all the Book Club things. However, if you want to pop in to see what it’s like or cannot financially swing a subscription at this time, just email me for complimentary access. November’s book pick is Wintering by Katherine May.
On Friday, November 3 at 12 pm EDT, all members of the Human Together Book Club are invited to gather with me to discuss Drew Jackson’s Touch the Earth. I’m really looking forward to hearing your thoughts and insights, as you feel comfortable engaging in conversation. (Remember: We keep things pretty casual.)
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